he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
