She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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