my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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