I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
