So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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