He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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