Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
