I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
