You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize