Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize