Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
