Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
