I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize