I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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