You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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