You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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