She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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