bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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