I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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