my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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