I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
