Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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