I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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