oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Be still, my beating vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
