Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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