If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
