make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
