Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
