By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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