You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
