Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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