if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
