FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
