I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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