she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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