If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize