Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Sorry about my life...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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