I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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