Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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