Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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