so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
