it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize