what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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