I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We are all done wearing pants today
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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