somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
