Me. At least after what I've been through.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
