the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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