I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
