Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
