Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
