So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
After tacos, we're chasing women.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
