I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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