Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
