are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
