Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
