Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
