You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
