just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
