god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
