saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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