to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize