her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize