My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
