if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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