Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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