Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
