Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
