oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
