A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
