I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
