You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
