She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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