New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
