I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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