Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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