Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
