just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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