I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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