i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
