i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
