We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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