U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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