im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
