i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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