I think my fart just growled at me.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
