okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
