Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
