I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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