I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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