I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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