God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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