Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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