She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
