he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize