oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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