HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
