Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize