I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
