My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
