I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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