I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
