Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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