wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
