I bet he comes in French.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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