Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
