my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
