do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
