Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
