And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
