Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
