People with herpes should wear stickers.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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