how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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