my vag is so smooth its legendary
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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